First off, let me just say this post comes out of love.
Pork, please just be yourself. Nobody likes pork chops, so instead of trying to be 'the other white meat' appreciate your own amazingness. Be the best you can be which, incidentally, is bacon. I mean come on, seriously, how amazing you look in this pic with eggs cuddled up in your little brioche love nest?
Be comfortable in your own clothes. If people want white meat they are going to have chicken. They always have and always will. Once you accept that and move on with your life, you'll finally find the happiness I know you deserve. Dammit, you know you deserve it.
You are so money and it kills me that you can't appreciate it. Like, look, people even flavor crisps after you. That's how awesome you are. People are willing to eat anything that just tastes like you. Read that last sentence again and really soak up what that means. You are like the Louis Vuitton of meat, even fake is better than nothing.
So, I hope this serves as a wake up call. Be happy in your own skin Pork, especially when it's crispy.
Because we love you just the way you are.
Yours forever and always (especially on Eggs Benedict),
Labels: An open letter, Bacon, Bruno Mars, crisps, egg, funny, Pork, random, Totally Off Topic